COSMETICS HAUL AND STUFF

Hadn't updated my blog for days. So many negative things happened. Everything in my head was a huge mess. Worst part is, I was so confused about everything and can't seem to find a reason why was I so upset. Though many thought that I'm just that kind of person who don't give a fark about everything, but I am a living person and I do have personal issues as well. I'm really grateful that my bae was there to listen and support me even though I don't know what was I babbling. All thanks to him, I felt like the weights on my shoulders just fell off, and I managed move on from all the non-existing issues. Well, life has ups and downs, sometimes we just gotta go with the flow.

Btw, went jogging with my bae at night after shopping at The Curve and IPC. The night sky at the park was really pretty so I decided to take a picture of it with my potato phone. I really cherish moments like this tbh. It's just sky, but it's never the same everyday, every second.  It's just my way to keep track of memories in my life. I used to hate life a lot, but having my bae makes everything different. I'm not a romantic person tbh, just being straightforward, so yeah.

Btw, these are the cosmetics I bought myself from today. Canmake mascara, cream blusher, eyeshadows; Maybelline crayon eyeliner and Silky Girl felt tip liner. Yay! There's no harm splurging for yourself once in a while if you have extra allowances. Shopping for cosmetics makes me feel 10x better than shopping for clothing tbh. I can never get enough of it. It's my passion after all. Speaking of cosmetics and makeup, I have a strong urge to go back to cosplay. I don't even know what's with me, but I'm still considering. Btw, I'm really into Free! and Yarichin Bitch Club recently. Don't even bother searching for the second one if you're not into yaoi. I'm shameless lol. (♥ω♥*) 

And this is just me looking super creepy, my hair wasn't brushed and ironed. I dunno what was I thinking. Honestly, I kinda feel like chopping off my hair, but not before I get clip in extensions. I'm not sure yet, we'll see. Btw, I'm gonna film a hair tutorial this week (since my hair is still long enough) and maybe some random makeup tutorial. I'd been filming makeups that aren't my style lately, so maybe I'll be doing something more androgynous. I am gender fluid, judge me or judge me not, I'm not bothered, but yeah that sums up everything for now. Peace!（ΦωΦ）

TETSUYA NOMURA X HATSUNE MIKU INSPIRED MAKEUP

I know this is nothing new, but every time I look at Tetsuya Nomura's character designs, I really feel like cosplaying again (especially from FF 7), but I'm not gonna do it anymore. My last cosplay plan was Noel from FF 13-2, but I dropped the idea due to budget, stress and other stuff I guess, and I quit cosplaying since then.

Since I don't have any FF character's wig, I tried my best to recreate Miku's look. If you haven't seen Tetsuya Nomura's character design for Vocaloid's Hatsune Miku, you really need to YouTube it now, or Google, or whatever. Honestly, I was thinking of doing a guy character's makeup, but I sold most of my short wigs. *sobs* I really want FF 15, but I don't have PS4 or Xbox One fml... I had been waiting for ages tbh.

I wanted to film a video for this initially, but my camera went out of battery. I was kinda sad about it, but it's fine, cuz no one would wanna watch how I did this makeup tbh. It was really messy and all, cuz I did this makeup straight after doing AOA Hyejeong inspired makeup lol. I'm not a professional, please don't judge me.

Anyway, spent too much time on anime and manga this week, it's time to deal with my assignments soon, nooo...ヽ(ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ

AOA HYEJEONG INSPIRED MAKEUP

As mentioned, I finally did Hyejeong's makeup from AOA's  most recent MV, Good Luck. I really wanna do this makeup last week, but I was kinda unstable plus I was super busy with my college assignments. It's quite a simple makeup, honestly. I'm not a huge fan of Kpop, but I there are a few girl groups that I often keep up with. Hyejeong is my bias in AOA btw.

Here's the "tutorial" if anyone's interested to see how I did this makeup. Peace!

IKEA KINDA WEDNESDAY

Many things happened recently, I was extremely stressed out. It's so hard to function properly when there are so many negativity in my head. I'm still trying my best to cope with everything around me, especially studies. Relapsed in bulimia. I felt so demotivated all of sudden and all I did was binge watching anime. My 90139183918391 times watching Junjou Romatica and Sekaiichi Hatsukoi, if you're wondering what I'm watching. I'm a fujoshi, it's not a secret anymore, please forgive me rofl. o(*≧□≦)o 

Honestly, I have this really odd habit of watching the same thing I like again, again and again without getting bored. I watched Outlast's game-play from four different YouTube gamers four times in total, I don't even know why... I'm horrible. I'm not sure if I'm gonna get Outlast 2 though. 

Anyway, I'm kinda glad things got better today. Went to Ikea and IPC with my bae. Ikea is like one of our favorite place to visit cuz the food there is nice, the atmosphere there is nice, basically it's all nice and comfy there. I bought this cute glass mug, while he bought am apple scented candle. We really like scented stuff, so yeah. (｡♥‿♥｡)

My friend took a photo of my hair yesterday. I'm glad the color is still pretty vibrant after washing my hair so many times. It's messy cuz I didn't iron it. Everyone has lazy days.

GLITTERY KINDA MORNING

Woke up to my bae's long voice and text messages this morning. I felt so bad for not being able to wake up midnight to do our assignments together. I'm having a bad flu and sore throat since the moment I woke up. ლ(｡-﹏-｡ ლ) Btw, I'm kinda surprised that people actually watch my YouTube videos. My Jun Hyo Seong - Find Me inspired makeup "tutorial" (< click on link to watch) has more than 1k views omg. Thank you so much! Honestly, my videos are really potato quality, since I can't afford good camera and lighting. I really hope I can make better videos in the future. I'm really thankful to those who enjoy watching my videos and subscribed to my channel. It means a lot to me! I'm really busy with my assignments lately, so I might need to finish up my work asap before I can start filming again. *sobs* 

Btw, I made this in the morning.Glitters in the bottle. It doesn't serve any purpose, just to decorate my working desk I guess. I looks 100x prettier in real life though. I might get some shiny jewels to decorate the bottle lid since it's kinda plain.

Gonna proceed with my assignments on this pathetic Sunday of mine. ヽ(●ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ●)ﾉﾟ I really wish my college life was more laid back, but I don't think there's such thing in life.

BETTER TODAY

Went jogging with my bae in the evening. The weather was really good, I kinda regret for not having a picnic there. Felt so much better today. It's really nice to take a break from assignments and get some air outdoors with my bae. I really appreciate all these small moments in life with him. There's a reason why I'm always taking pics of things around us when we're together. They're all memories to be treasured. I don't wanna miss a single thing we shared. It's not being lame or lifeless. I really treasure beautiful moments in life. It's personal preference and I enjoy doing it so yeah. Btw, my bae really likes looking at the fishes in the lake. I have no idea why they're all lined up this way, but they're always there every time we visit the park. 

Bought these canned apple juice for my bae and I from the grocery store after working out. I don't usually buy canned drinks (except Coke Light and Arizona), but this one looks super kawaii! I bought it just because of the packaging.

It tastes really sweet as expected, but it's not bad at all. It smells really good btw. I like things that smell good, gonna get some scented candles from Ikea as soon as I can. Honestly, I'm not really fond of canned drinks or flavored juices, but this one's really cute I couldn't resist.

I'm really glad that everything went well today. Gonna continue with my assignments tomorrow.

HIPPIE STREET WHUT?

Today's coordinate. Kinda hippie, kinda street, I don't even know. Really like the socks I'm wearing today, but I forgot to take a pic of it. *sighpie* 

Top: Cotton On

Bottom: thrift shop

Socks: mom bought it in Shanghai

Shoes: online

Fail attempt to get a good selfie cuz I wasn't in the mood, but my hair was cute oh well.

Back view. Hippy unruly kinda hair.

Went to campus to get some assignment stuff from my classmate and did my group assignment at a cafe near my campus. I wasn't really enjoying my time cuz both of my 3D modelling and animation assignments were screwed up. Plus my bulimia relapsed for almost a week continuously, I was super upset about everything.

I'm super glad that my bae took his time to talk things out with me and made me feel better. It's not easy to deal with someone who has depression and eating disorders at the same time, but he's really understanding and I'm so proud to have him by my side. I don't mean to rely on him in any way, neither do I wanna burden him, but he's always there for me, and I'm grateful for that. I don't mean to point this on anyone, but sometimes people don't love each other for who they are. They tend to get attracted to others just because of a sudden attraction and leave when things go downhill. It's crucial to get to know your other half well before even being together. If they end up judging you for your flaws, then they're definitely not gonna make you happy in long run, vice versa. You can always help them get better by guiding them, but judging is never an option. You'll create mental scars in their heads. I'd seen guys who told their partners that they are fat and need to lose weight, by right those girls look perfectly fine and healthy. Not just girls, it happens to guys as well. I have no idea why would you change someone when they clearly don't need any changes. Just to feed your appetite? You can't change someone that's having depression either. Telling them to shut up or "just get over it" will only make things worse. Sure, you'll think that that's not what you'd signed up for, all you want is a peaceful relationship. The thing is if you truly love someone, will you even hurt them? Even if you have no clue why are they acting in such way, at least seek help from the professionals or talk to them nicely when you can. Don't ever brush them off if you claim that you truly love them. Just most parents, no matter how hard things are, they'll never leave you behind. Love is not all about sex and romance tbh. It's everything, from trust and support to helping each other. If you can't accept these, then you're not even qualified for a serious relationship.

Btw, my bae and I were supposed to visit Ikea after finishing up our group work, but it was kinda late so we ended up going to the park for a walk. Kinda regret no bringing our sports attire or else we could've jogged a bit. We saw this cute little frog btw. My bae wanted to touch it, but I ended up stopping him just in case it's poisonous. Frogs are cute, I dunno why so many people are afraid of them rofl.

Nevertheless my night ended up great all thanks to my bae. About this weekend, I'm not sure if wanna do any makeup videos. I'm planning to do AOA Hyejeong's makeup from their recent MV, Good Luck. I feel like doing some Japanese style makeup as well, but there are so many assignments to deal with. Even if I have the time to do the makeups, I wouldn't have enough time to edit them. *sobs*

MENTAL EXHAUSTION

Today's not a good day for me. First my Adobe Flash crashed then I screwed up my 3D modelling. This is the only assignment I'd done today. I was so stressed out that I can't even function properly. All I did was relapse and cry in the evening. I'm really grateful to have my bae listening to my non-existent problems, and reminding me of all the beautiful things we had, have and will have. Honestly speaking, I am not proud to share my problems with anyone at all, but I just wanna remind whoever that reads my blog that it's okay to be not okay, that's if  there are people who actually visits my blog lol. 

Everyone has their own demons, but in different form. Nobody should ever compare their problems with someone elses, because we're all different. There's no point comparing and dismissing other's problems or even our own. It is not true that flaws equal weakness. Everyone has flaws, though some might seem perfect to you in the eyes, but you'll never know what are they facing in life. "Life is easy, humans made it tough." True. Life is easy, but sometimes we'd been through so much to the point that we are not who we used to be anymore, and it's never our fault that all the bad things happened to us. It is not easy to walk out of darkness, sometimes it takes years or even a lifetime. 

It's never okay to make fun of others even if you're just joking. Just a few days ago, I overheard this random dude who used "autism" as an adjective, eg, "That guy is so austistic." Dafuq? Mental illness is never an option, and it's even worse if you use it as a label on someone "normal". The reason why I don't stand up and sound out directly on his face is because who am I to tell them off even if I have a point. Even if I do try to correct them, will I make a change out of ignorant people? There's always karma, what goes around comes around. I don't dwell with this. I just hope more people will understand that mental illness is NEVER an adjective. "She looks anorexic." The thing is anorexia is NOT a physical appearance, it's all in the head. You can be still be naturally underweight and healthy if you have a small frame. You can be an anorexic if you're overweight but is having all the anorexic tendencies, you starve yourself, you loath yourself. "I have an OCD cuz I dislike messy things." No. That's not how OCD is, unless you're super anxious about something and is obsessed with it. Basically, even if you hate it, you can't stop going deeper into it. "I feel depressed." You can't feel depressed technically. Depression is not even a feeling. It's a mental disease that eats up all your emotions and make you feel empty and dead inside. It cannot be brushed off easily and is almost permanent in your mind. Even if you're happy, part of you is still numb on the inside. Complicated isn't it? Now that's what mental illnesses are. They're not adjectives. I repeat, mental illnesses are not adjectives! Using all these terms don't make you any cooler, it sucks and it can be hurtful. How does this offend one? Unless you have the illness yourself, you'll never understand the pain. It doesn't cost a thing to stop being so selfish and ignorant, you'll never know if you're gonna be the next one going through all these, men or women. Educate yourselves before using certain words, be cautious and kind.

 I can go on and on with this, but I'll stop here for now. I really hope tomorrow will be a better day, might get myself scented candles and a supply of healthy foods. It's okay to relapse, I'm gonna forgive myself every time shyt happens. Even if the whole world forgives me and I still don't forgive myself, I'll never be able to accept myself as the way I am. Peace.

BOOKS UPDATE

I'd finished reading The Death House. It was really good and beautifully written. The last page left me soaking in tears.

I'm currently reading this non-fiction book about the investigation of serial murderers, Ian Brady and Myra Hindley. Detective/crime books and TV shows are my thing so yeah. I kinda wanted to pursue my studies in forensic psychology tbh, but then changed my mind. I don't even know why, maybe art is something I enjoy more.

Went for lunch with my bae at Ikea after class. We're there for lunch almost every week, really enjoy the food and atmosphere there. Everything went well today, except that he had a terrible flu and sore throat. (˃̩̩̥ɷ˂̩̩̥) I hope he gets well soon asap cuz falling ill is one of the worst shyt ever.

PRETTY SKIES

 Just another Tuesday. Went shopping at Curve with mom before heading to campus, since my class starts in the evening. We don't often get ourselves anything unless there're sales. I prefer buying cheap clothes at thrift shops and revamp them myself tbh. She got me this cute tank top from Cotton On. 

I really like the design at the back of this top, especially the cute pastel straps.

Class was pretty stressful today cuz I was struggling with 3D Max. I prefer working on illustrations instead of 3D modelling, but it's crucial I guess. Went for a jog with my bae after class. I kinda dislike it when the rain drizzles every time when we're about to jog. It's rainy season and I love the rain, but not when I wanna head outdoors. Everything went well until I nearly collapse when I stopped running, Felt super sick and dizzy. I really hate being ill. I make my bae worry all the time, I wish I could be more healthy. Of course, I look "healthy" on the outside, I'm not underweight or skinny at all, but I'm pretty sure my organs are badly damaged for being a bulimic for nearly seven years. It sucks. I don't need anyone to tell me to stop, because I am already trying my best to recover. Whether I want it or not, it's almost impossible to recover 100%. Having an ED is never a choice. I know how harmful it is and I know I might lose my life if this continues, but it's not something that can be stopped within a day or even a year. Anyway, the skies are really pretty on the way to the park. Not that this is my first time seeing sunset, but it's always different, the clouds, the hue, the overall atmosphere... Not sure if anyone gets what I mean, but the skies are always beautiful, especially when your loved one is right next to you.

THIRD MONDAY IN MAY

Sometimes time passes too slow when we're in class and we complain about it. Little do we know that every second passes and we can never revert time. I used to think of vanishing from this world and wonder when would my life be over, but now I'm afraid that I don't have enough time to do whatever I wanna do in my life with my bae and my family. It sounds mushy and all, but I came to realize it a little too late. I wasted my teenage years trying to end my life almost every single day. Not to say that I regretted choosing that path, because it was never a choice. Mental illness does not mean you're psychotic, but it does make drive you crazy, it's never an option or a choice whether you want it or not. I'm not going any deeper into this, but there are more to life. I really hope I can get a part time job asap, save up for my future with bae. It's part of our life goals to travel all around the world some day.

Anyway, all my classes were okay today, but I was super confused during my 3D modelling session. I kinda enjoy sculpting manually, but making 3D modelling in 3D Max is kinda tough for me. I need more time to practice using the software. 

Btw, today's dress code for my bae and I was all black. We're emo kids from the 2000's Idk, still emo kid at heart, don't judge. I wish we'd taken an OOTD picture, but nah, not in college. We can do it some other days. Photos are memories, the more the better, that's if you wish to look back at your younger days. I accidentally threw all my kindergarten and secondary school life photos away, but it's too late to regret. I hated being photographed a lot, cuz I have really bad image perception of myself. Long story short, I really hated myself back then.

If anyone's wondering why on earth would my bae and I dress up for college, the thing is there's no harm expressing yourself no matter where you are, as long as you're following the dress code. College is meant for studying true, but how would you feel if you're forced to wear something that makes you feel uncomfortable? We're wearing outfits that we feel good in, and it's not even "dressing up" tbh. It's more like we're comfortable and happy with what we wear and it's a permanent style kinda thing, some days fancier or simpler it depends. Just because it's not your taste, doesn't mean it's bad or wrong. It's what we feel comfortable with, so yeah. This is was from yesterday btw, I don't wear heavy makeups to college cuz class starts early and I always wake up late lol.

I was kinda upset cuz I didn't get to see my bae before I got home from college by bus. I was in a hurry. He wanted to send me home, but I couldn't receive his messages due to connection problem. We sorted things out together and it was so kind of him to not be mad at me. He even got me a big packet of mixed nuts.꒰˘̩̩̩⌣˘̩̩̩๑꒱♡ He's always taking care of me in many ways. Whoever knows me long enough will know that I survive on mostly nuts lol. 

I hope tomorrow will be a better day for us, since we'll be jogging in the park at night, had been quite a few days since we worked out together.

Saw this when I came home from college.

Mom just bought me a super cute t-shirt from Cotton On, yay!

Dad's already in Brunei for some hair related events since this morning, I didn't really get to send him off cuz I had class. Sometimes I'm really envious of him being able to travel around the world for business trips, moreover regarding his favorite hair related field. It's not an easy task, nor it's stable at all, but at least he gets to see the world. (ﾟ⊿ﾟ)

Overall, today was a 50/50 good and bad day. Life has to be balance after all. It's up to ourselves to deal with our problems and issues, cuz what goes around comes around. Whatever we do will have consequences, karma has no deadline, so yeah.

TWICE - "CHEER UP" SANA INSPIRED MAKEUP

Hadn't blogged for two days straight.

Did Twice's Sana inspired makeup. This makeup is super easy, there aren't much techniques to take care of. The highlights of this makeup are shiny aegyo sal and vibrant pink lips. 

I'm not sure if this makeup is good enough, cuz I wasn't feeling well and not much effort was put in. Please don't be too harsh on me. I feel like this makeup makes me look more like Tzuyu than Sana tbh. I uploaded the "tutorial" on my YouTube channel since I kinda like the overall outcome.

My super awkward smile.
I made these pink swarovski crystal earrings myself btw.

If anyone's interested to watch how I did this makeup, here's the vid. It's not the best I can do, but I really hope you guys enjoy it!

SUICIDE SQUAD HARLEY QUINN INSPIRED MAKEUP

I have no idea why my hair looks more purplish than pink in my camera. Since there are people who told me my hair reminds them of Harley Quinn, I decided to recreate her look. I did a Harley Quinn inspired makeup before last year, but I wasn't satisfied with the outcome. I like all versions of Harley Quinn, but I decided to refer to the one from Suicide Squad. Of course it would look better if I have a wig that looks exactly the same as her hair color. Doing makeups like that kinda makes me miss cosplay. There are many reasons why I don't cosplay anymore, and it'll take forever for me to explain.

If anyone's interested to know how I did this makeup, here's the vid.

Make sure you subscribe to my channel if you enjoy watching my vids, it means a lot to me. Thank you! 

SPORTSWEAR HAUL

Went to Atria with my mom and bro today. Mom got me a pair of shorts and running sneakers. I really need a pair of sneakers cuz mine had worn out while I was jogging with my bae yesterday. It was a frustrating yet funny experience. At least I bought a a pair of spare sneakers which aren't meant for running at all, plus they're for kids so yeah.

I have no idea why I took a photo of my new sneakers. I really like it though, feels really comfortable.

Gonna head to the park with my mom tomorrow and try running with these.

HARLEY QUINN? MERMAID HAIR?

Finally changed my hair color yay! 

If anyone's wondering why I don't dye my hair myself, it's because I don't wanna repeat the same mistake ever again. I used to bleach my hair without my dad's knowledge (or under any professional's supervision), and it ended up real bad that I had to chop my locks off. Trust me, the outcome may look okay, but you're gonna destroy your poor hair within a short period of time. 

Tips before getting the hair color you want: Always do as many research as you can before entering a salon. It's always best to make an appointment with your hairstylist to inquire about the hairstyle you want. Hairstyles are just like clothing, they're not meant to be one size fit all. It depends on your natural hair structure, color, quality and all. Or course, you can always get what you want, but the outcome may not always be as great as you expected, so it's always better if you listen to your hairstylist's opinions. 

I'm super happy with the final result, all thanks to my dad.

I notice this hairstyle goes really well with pinkish igari makeup or something fancy like oshere kei. Not sure if it looks well with black smokey eyes, unless I'm planning to do Harley Quinn inspired makeup rofl. These colors are super kawaii and vibrant, they're just as pretty as how they look in these pictures. Not that I dislike the previous half blue half purple, but this one has a bigger color contrast, so it's more unique I guess.

Btw, these hair dyes are super cool cuz they literally smell like jelly and candies, I'm not kidding. They're the best hair dyes I'd tried so far. 

Back view. Indoor:

Back view. Outdoor:

If anyone's interest to drop by my dad's salon, you can make inquire or make an appointment here: MTH SALON

 For further promotions, feel free to leave a comment down below. Peace.

FIESTAR - MIRROR JEI INSPIRED MAKEUP

I know I'm kinda late for this, but I'm currently addicted to Fiestar's Mirror. If you haven't listen to it, check it out already! I have no intentions to do any Kpop makeup for the time being until I re-watched Mirror yesterday. I really like Jei's makeup in the MV so I decided to recreate her look. 

The highlights of this makeup are double winged eyeliner and matte burgundy lips or nude pink lips.

I did two different lip makeups since she has about two or three different lip colors in the MV. I'm not sure if it's the lighting, but there's no harm trying. This makeup would look so much better if I have brown circle lenses btw. 

Here's the makeup "tutorial" if anyone's interested! I'm planning to do Twice - Cheer Up inspired makeup as well, but I'm not sure when. I really like Sana, Tzuyu and Jihyo's look in Cheer Up MV, probably gonna recreate their look, probably not, I'll have to take a look at my daily schedule.

JUST ANOTHER THURSDAY

Can't believe I slept for almost 16 hours. Class was fun yesterday, but it started a little too early in the morning, I was completely knocked out when I reached home. I went to 1U with my bae straight after class to inquire about a job application, but the shop was shifted or closed down, I'm not really sure. There were no notifications or anything.（;≧皿≦） It was kinda frustrating, but I should've contacted them beforehand.

The weather here is extremely bad recently. I'm suppose to go jogging with my bae later at night, but he fell ill, thanks to the weather. It's just sad to see your loved ones fall sick. It's as hot as Sahara desert in the afternoon and raining like mean monsoon in the evening, plus the haze makes everything 10x worse. I guess today will be another regular day at home.

I made these new bracelets (tiger eye stones + metal and glass beads) for my bae btw.

I'm really glad he likes them. I'm not sure if anyone's interested, but I'm open for orders. For further information, feel free to leave a comment down below.

Cleaned up my hammies' cage this morning. My babies are so cute, but sometimes they bite. You just gotta be careful when dealing with rodents, they're pretty unpredictable. Furry animals are so adorable, especially cats. I always wanted a cat, but my parents disapprove. I'll definitely get myself a cat in the future, maybe two maybe three or more, who knows. I'm a crazy cat lady I guess...