MENTAL EXHAUSTION

Today's not a good day for me. First my Adobe Flash crashed then I screwed up my 3D modelling. This is the only assignment I'd done today. I was so stressed out that I can't even function properly. All I did was relapse and cry in the evening. I'm really grateful to have my bae listening to my non-existent problems, and reminding me of all the beautiful things we had, have and will have. Honestly speaking, I am not proud to share my problems with anyone at all, but I just wanna remind whoever that reads my blog that it's okay to be not okay, that's if  there are people who actually visits my blog lol. 

Everyone has their own demons, but in different form. Nobody should ever compare their problems with someone elses, because we're all different. There's no point comparing and dismissing other's problems or even our own. It is not true that flaws equal weakness. Everyone has flaws, though some might seem perfect to you in the eyes, but you'll never know what are they facing in life. "Life is easy, humans made it tough." True. Life is easy, but sometimes we'd been through so much to the point that we are not who we used to be anymore, and it's never our fault that all the bad things happened to us. It is not easy to walk out of darkness, sometimes it takes years or even a lifetime. 

It's never okay to make fun of others even if you're just joking. Just a few days ago, I overheard this random dude who used "autism" as an adjective, eg, "That guy is so austistic." Dafuq? Mental illness is never an option, and it's even worse if you use it as a label on someone "normal". The reason why I don't stand up and sound out directly on his face is because who am I to tell them off even if I have a point. Even if I do try to correct them, will I make a change out of ignorant people? There's always karma, what goes around comes around. I don't dwell with this. I just hope more people will understand that mental illness is NEVER an adjective. "She looks anorexic." The thing is anorexia is NOT a physical appearance, it's all in the head. You can be still be naturally underweight and healthy if you have a small frame. You can be an anorexic if you're overweight but is having all the anorexic tendencies, you starve yourself, you loath yourself. "I have an OCD cuz I dislike messy things." No. That's not how OCD is, unless you're super anxious about something and is obsessed with it. Basically, even if you hate it, you can't stop going deeper into it. "I feel depressed." You can't feel depressed technically. Depression is not even a feeling. It's a mental disease that eats up all your emotions and make you feel empty and dead inside. It cannot be brushed off easily and is almost permanent in your mind. Even if you're happy, part of you is still numb on the inside. Complicated isn't it? Now that's what mental illnesses are. They're not adjectives. I repeat, mental illnesses are not adjectives! Using all these terms don't make you any cooler, it sucks and it can be hurtful. How does this offend one? Unless you have the illness yourself, you'll never understand the pain. It doesn't cost a thing to stop being so selfish and ignorant, you'll never know if you're gonna be the next one going through all these, men or women. Educate yourselves before using certain words, be cautious and kind.

 I can go on and on with this, but I'll stop here for now. I really hope tomorrow will be a better day, might get myself scented candles and a supply of healthy foods. It's okay to relapse, I'm gonna forgive myself every time shyt happens. Even if the whole world forgives me and I still don't forgive myself, I'll never be able to accept myself as the way I am. Peace.